


Secret Santa

by Picpicpic



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Baking, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Tree, First Dates, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hockey, M/M, Nostalgia, Realization, Secret Santa, Song Lyrics, Surprises, Treasure Hunting, shed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-09-05 14:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16812238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Picpicpic/pseuds/Picpicpic
Summary: At some point through their last shift of November, they’d decided a game of secret Santa leading to Christmas would be a good idea...as it turns out, Matt's Secret Santa has a bigger plan.





	1. Nov. 29

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pall/gifts).



**Nov. 29.**

At some point through their last shift of November, they’d decided a game of secret Santa leading to Christmas would be a good idea. Matt, having been too busy with researching into the trailer company responsible for the trailers of the trailer-park fires to take any real notice, grunts in frustration as he plunges his hand into the bag of names Otis holds open in front of him, shaking it to catch Matt’s attention.

_SEVERIDE_ the note says in small scribbled letters.

_Oh._


	2. Dec. 2nd

**Dec. 2 nd**

His first gift from his secret Santa is waiting for him in his locker as he comes in on Sunday morning for shift. It doesn’t say it’s from his Santa, but it’s the only plausible explanation how and why three old photos had suddenly appeared in his locker.

He stands at his locker, smiling at the pictures and the memories they bring with them – pinching at his insides, both happy and sad. They were all taken at the academy, and the three of them – Kelly, Andy and him – all look so young and innocent, and happy. Full of hope and careless.

In one they’re all in their blue Dress uniform, just barely holding it in for the picture. In his mind he sees them exploding with snorts and laughter the moment the picture was over. He doesn’t recall what they were laughing about, probably something extremely stupid and childish, but he remembers the feeling. He hasn’t laughed like that in ages.

In the second they’re doing their bit at the academy’s Halloween party. Dressed as characters from ‘The Giant Turnip’, - three black cats - all whiskers and ears and tails, - they were acting out pulling each other from the earth. Or something like that.

In the third picture, Matt’s favourite, they’d just come back from forest-fire training. They’d been out all night, in the woods (well, the training patch), and were now filled with soot and grime and ash. But there is nothing like the smiles on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes: Triumph and pride and passion - knowing they've found what they'd meant to be doing, and that they were fucking good at it. He’s not even sure who took that picture, or where it had been all this time.

Should he show it to Kelly? Maybe pass it on, as his Santa gift instead of the chocolate bar he’d got him. Along with the chocolate bar he’d got him? Is it moral to re-do the gift you got as the gift you give? Matt ponders this for a moment. If Kelly was his Santa and had been the one to slip the pictures into his locker, it’d be a dead giveaway if they’d suddenly reappear in his own locker… but the thought of Kelly’s face as he sees these pictures is something Matt cannot resist. And if it'd bring up in Kelly the feelings rushing through him now, it'd be absolutely worth it. Without a second thought, he photographs the pictures with his phone and then pushes them into the slit of Kelly’s lockers before making his way out the locker room to meet his crew.


	3. Dec. 5th

**Dec 5 th **

The next gift makes him chuckle with amusement. He isn’t sure if he's on the receiving side or the giving side of it.   
Throughout the day he keeps finding elements which, added up, make the ingredients of his mother’s famous recipe. When the penny drops, he wonders if at the end he’d also find the secret ingredient, known only to a very selected few – the white Toblerone, grated over the peaches before they're covered with pastry. The ingredient that had given the pie its name: peach-cobbleron.

As he suspected, he didn’t get the chocolate and has to go buy it at the store around the corner from the firehouse before clearing the kitchen and starting to bake. When he thinks about it, he can’t decide if it was because his secret Santa didn’t know about the surreptitious ingredient, or because they were smart enough to know, that had they added it to the game, they’d out themselves as his Santa… _crafty_ , he chuckles to himself again as he kneads the dough.

Miraculously, as if the entire of Chicago was waiting for his pie, there are no calls while he's preparing it. A call comes in for Truck just as he puts it in the oven, and he charges Brett with taking it out; She's the only one he trusted not to screw it up, as well as guard it from potential predators while he was gone. Luckily, the call is a short one, and they make it back in perfect timing to enjoy the pie at just the right temperature.

There is something warm and happy as the house comes together, sitting around the table, digging into the pie. There's comfort and security and simple, momentary joy. Matt looks around the table, feeling oddly proud and touched, that something he’d created has such an effect on the people around him. _Perhaps that realization was the real gift from his Santa._ His eyes roam along their faces as they laugh together and lick their spoons, trying to asses who it might be. His gaze lands on Kelly, taking him in: calm and confident and content – beautiful, really. And just in time, Kelly raises his eyes, sending Matt a cheeky wink and a warm smile, before sinking back into his conversation.


	4. Dec. 9th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! RL has been beating on my door. and this became a mammoth to write... guess my plan to have them release on the day has failed. :(

There is a map of Chicago folded into his locker at the end of shift. Surprised and curious, he unfolds it to find small x’s strewn across it, a miniature number, ranging from 1-7, scribbled beside each marking. _A treasure hunt?_ he ponders as he walks out the firehouse, trying to see if he recognizes any of the places on the map. He thinks he does, but he can’t find a reason to send him to all these places, again. _Not before breakfast_ , he decides as he climbs into his truck and heads home.

.

There are addresses he’s memorized unwillingly. Unable to forget, no matter how much he tries or wishes he could. He knows where he’s headed as he comes out of his house and into the car. Would he ever forget the place in which he nearly died? Where a metal box, smaller than his locker was the only thing keeping him from the flames? He’s not sure why he’s actually driving there, what it is that’s making him keep driving, other than pure curiosity to know why he’s been sent there.

The factory looms empty and dark as he parks the car at the supplier’s dock where they’d entered on that call. It’s been cleaned out since then, but not re-opened as the damage to the structure was too great, and excessive renovations needed. He stumbles through the empty corridors, retracing his steps from back then. Without the smoke and the flames, and the croaking of the fire-licked metal, the distance between the exit and that room is seemingly shorter. It had all seemed different in the dark.

The Room is now empty. Starch white and leering at him in its mundaneness. There is nothing there. No traces, no hints, no danger. It almost mocks him, threatening his sanity as he finds himself pondering, for a tiny moment, if it had really happened. if it was possible, the difference between then and now, if it hadn’t, perhaps, all been just a dream, a figment of his imagination. _No._ he tells himself; it happened, he’d almost died and he came out, he clung, and he fought and he’d survived. It’s worth something. Maybe that’s why his Santa had brought him back.

Just as the thought springs to mind, he eyes the envelope glued above the light switch, his name scribbled across it. A grey tape, - one of those 90’s cassettes - with the magnetic strip that’d eventually get stuck or knotted and would deem the thing unusable. Fitting perfectly to the outdated music system in his ancient truck, which he hardly ever uses, because one can only hear the battered Sinatra cassette rolling around in his glove compartment so many times, and where the heck would he find any new ones? He can’t help but smile.

Gloria Gaynor croons at him through the speakers, making him laugh then grin, then join in, yelling the words at the top of his lungs. They receive new meaning as he drives away, again, from where he had once almost perished.

Do you think I'd crumble

Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive

Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive

I will survive, hey, hey

.

It takes him a few seconds to recognize why this crossing was marked on his map. The envelope waits where the truck had once been – glued to the bannister on which father and son had been suspended, waiting for their rescue. He recalls that night, and how it unfolded. It wasn’t so much the rescue itself, but it’s aftermath – stretching in the weeks and months after that call. It was here he was exposed to injustice at its worse – injustice by the hands of those who were supposed to selflessly protect and serve.

It was here he made the decision that would come to turn his life into hell but would remind him who he was and how to follow his gut and his heart. It was here he decided to fight for what he believes in, for what he thought right, without letting himself be dithered. It was here he took up the battle against Voight.

Again, he finds himself singing along with the cassette, more proud than amused, as he rolls the lyrics on his tongue. He knows what he’s done, and what he’d gained and what it’d cost him. But now, his secret Santa was skillfully showing him, there were others that were paying attention as well, noticing and appreciating.

Stand!

In the end, you'll still be you

One that's done all the things you set out to do

Stand!

There's a cross for you to bear

Things to go through if you're going anywhere

Stand!

For the things you know are right

It's the truth that the truth makes them so uptight

Stand!

.

The third _x_ is not exactly where the call took place, but at the closest emergency-bay on the highway. He remembers that night, - it’s a Thanks Giving he’ll never forget. It’s not so much about the save, but the experience: he’d delivered a baby into the world that night; made him take his first breath.

He remembers the aching silence until that first cry. And the relief that washed over him at the sound of it. He remembers the feeling of all eyes being on him as they waited, and all the white teeth gleaming in the dark, broad smiles spreading on every face when the baby finally filled his lungs with air. The gratitude in Carol’s eyes, the pride in the father’s gaze. He remembers the warmth rising in him, that had nothing to do with the temperatures and everything to do with the humility and humanity of the moment.

It’s a song he doesn’t know, by a band he loves. It’s upbeat and loud, and the lyrics go by so fast, the repeating chorus blares through, latching on to Matt’s inner feeling:

It's a miracle, it's a miracle, it's a miracle, it's a miracle

.

His fourth stop is a from a relatively recent call. That was a hell of a day. Between the number of people, the number of stairs to be climbed over and over, the smoke and the heat and the stress, his belief in their ability to help, to be significant enough, had secretly begun to waiver, though he never let it show. He’d scanned one floor after the other, separating from all and any other firefighters, to go one more floor, through one more apartment, and the next, to find anyone who may have been left behind on the top floors of the high-rise building.

It’s a huge building, and yet he knows exactly where he’s going to find the cassette waiting for him. His stubbornness had paid off. He remembers with a flare of pride, how he’d insisted on going on and on, to eventually find those two old men, clinging to each other, refusing to leave either behind – Halsted Sr. and his veteran friend.

He doesn’t usually note his saves, it feels vain in a way, but he’s proud of that one. He recalls being in that moment, his mind on fire to find a way to save both men at the same time, knowing it was all or nothing. He’d felt like Atlas, with the weight of the world on his back, or Sisyphus - pushing the stone up the mountain - one tiny step at a time as he heaved both men out of there, dragging them to safety, to the arms of other firefighters who’d eventually arrived to help.

At first, he can’t believe his ears. He recognizes the song, but the vocals are all wrong. First and foremost, there’s three of them, and so out of tune. No, it can’t be. He turns up the volume. Yes, that’s him and Severide, and Andy, singing their heads off. _But when?_

Things slowly come together, memories rushing through his brain; Academy graduation after-party at that tiny karaoke bar on Oak Street _. Oh no_. Not only was it recorded, someone knows about the recording, has held on to it for so long. God, how mortifying. And funny. They were all so drunk that night, giddy with happiness to have graduated, excited to be going on to work as firefighters, ready and eager to join their new houses. God, what a night that was. He blinks the tears away as the lyrics become painfully accurate.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill, my share of losing

And now, as tears subside

I find it all, all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say, not in a shy way

Oh no, no, not me

I did it my way

.

He stands at the railing and remembers cursing himself, swimming in circles as he searched for Kelly, waiting for him to emerge out of the water. And Kelly wasn’t coming up. It was Matt’s idea to jump from the roof into the water and Kelly wasn’t resurfacing. He’d nearly drown all over again, swallowing water as his gut clenched at the thought that he’d gotten Kelly killed. Or hurt. He’d tried to save them and gotten Kelly hurt. It wasn’t worth it at all.

And then the short-lived relief, when Kidd declared she’d spotted him. And the agony of keeping it together as they fished Kelly out of the water and resuscitated him. He didn’t even feel the cold as he dripped water on the pavement, waiting for Kelly to breathe again. He’ll never forget how his name sounded from Kelly’s lips when he came to. The sheer concern, the immediacy he’d said it with the moment he woke up, the frantic panic in his eyes until they fell on Matt. Matt never knew he cared that much.

There’s something warm about the song, a haunting guitar and scratchy voice, that fits that feeling just right. Though the lyrics are blunt regarding him and Severide, they still… fit somehow. In an odd and scary way. Like the feeling of the blanket covering his shaking bones. He remembers looking into Kelly’s blue eyes up on that roof, scared and excited. He remembers vowing to himself to do everything possible to save Kelly, to enable Kelly to come down off that roof, to let him live another day. Every day.

What was his Santa implying?

Down by the river, I was drawn by your grace

Into tempest of oblivion and to the lovers-place

I was stuck in a puddle, full of tears and unwise

Dark doings now I know, that we've paid unlike

Honey I know, hey when we walked arm in arm

I felt like we can throw away the falseness of our past

And I know too it' s been the hardest days for you

Let 's throw them out the window

That’s what those lovers do

.

He thinks it was something in his eyes when he’d told Cruz they have to get Kelly out of there, out from under the chimney. It must have been because it’s not as if they weren’t trying until then. But Cruz must have seen it in his eyes, or heard it in his voice, heard him on the verge of losing his calm and control, of giving in to the terrifying panic creeping through his veins. And Cruz had gathered all his strength and then some, like the Hulk, because he understood. Cruz and Casey, they don’t need to talk it all out, but they get it when it comes to loved ones. To family. To Severide.

And there was absolutely no way they’d lose Kelly to a chimney. So, they huffed, and they puffed, and they blew Kelly out of there.

Casey doesn’t care about the credit - that Cruz got all the glory of that save. He deserves it. Casey only cares that they got Kelly out, that Kelly was safe, that Kelly was still there for another day. That one day he’d be able to hold Kelly and really tell him.

It’s as if the song (or his clairvoyant Santa) reads his mind.

I’m giving you a nightcall to tell you how I feel

I’m gonna drive you through the night down the hills

I’m gonna tell you something you don’t want to hear

I’m gonna show you where it’s dumped but have no fear

There’s something inside you

It's hard to explain

There’s something inside you, boy

And you’re still the same

Tell you how,

Tell you how,

Tell you how.

.

Like the first address, this is another he will never forget. It’s almost cruel to bring him back here. He can’t breathe. He gets out the car and collects the envelope stuck to the wall and slams the door shut and thumps the cassette harshly into the radio and drives away angrily. And only then does he breathe again. Andy’s face swimming before his eyes as the tears well.

Everybody needs a little time away

I heard her say

From each other

Even lovers need a holiday

Far away from each other

Hold me now

It's hard for me to say I'm sorry

I just want you to stay

After all that we've been through

I will make it up to you

I promise to

And after all that's been said and done

You're just a part of me I can't let go

After all that we've been through

I will make it up to you

I promise to

The harmony, if he’s honest, is a bit cheesy, and fluffy but it sweeps him up anyway. The lyrics painfully reflecting that moment, and every moment during the months following Andy’s death. He’d felt so empty and so alone. And with everything boiling between them, all he really wanted was Kelly. He wanted to mourn with Kelly. And he wanted to console Kelly. And he wanted to tell Kelly he was sorry. Not because he was to blame for Andy’s death, but because Kelly was hurting. Because he’d lost two brothers that day and yet he had to keep seeing one from behind an invisible wall of hurt, unable to reach through it to take him in his arms. And after everything they’d been through, they were finally broken.

Matt thinks about that again. Because, so many years later, they’re not broken, again and anymore. Andy’s death is but a painful addition to their long, rich history. A history filled with goods and bads. With big life-changing events and small moments that make it matter. Shared.

His thumb is already on the _send_ when his phone rings. The name on the screen materializing his inner thoughts, as if fate knows his beating heart. His throat is tight when he swipes to answer.

 _“Hey Case, where you at?”_ Kelly begins without waiting for Matt’s greeting.

 _“Treasure hunting,”_ Matt answers scruffily, his eyes closed as he tries to force himself into the conversation.

_“What?”_

_“My, uh, Santa sent me treasure hunting.”_

_“Oh. And? Where’s it leading you?”_

_“To you, actually,”_

_“Uh, what?”_ Like him, Kelly is caught in surprise at his answer.

 _“Nothing,"_ he retracts, _"what’s up?”_

 _“I, uh, Shay and I are firing up the grill... I sent Shay to the store and she came back with a few too many_ _burgers. There one with your name on it, if you’d like.”_ There’s a short silence on the other end of the line. Kelly tries again, his voice quieter but not as sure. _“Come for lunch, Matt. There’s the hot-and-sour chips you like.”_

Matt chuckles in response, sniffing his nose dry, away from the phone. _“Nice try, Sev. But those are your favourite, not mine.”_

_“Mm-“_

_“But I’ll come, sure. Thanks for thinking of me, Kelly.”_

_“Of course,”_

“ _I’ll be there in 20.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song | Call, episode  
> 1\. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor | factory Fire 5x22 (My Miracle)  
> 2\. Stand! By Sly and the Family Stone | T-bone accident 1x03 (Professional Courtesy)  
> 3\. The miracle by Queen | High-way delivery 1x07 (Two Families)  
> 4\. My way by Frank Sinatra | High-rise fire 7x02 (Going to War)  
> 5\. Down by the river by Milky Chance | Leap of faith 6x12 (The F is For)  
> 6\. Nightcall by London Grammar | Chimney recsue 7x08 (The Solution to Everything)  
> 7\. Hard to say I’m sorry by Chicago | Andy 1x01 (Pilot)


	5. Dec. 12th/15th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not what I meant to write today... but I am determined to finish this story.  
> Trigger warnings: utter fluff

**Dec 12 th /15th **

It’s not the Matt was expecting the call, but he wasn’t entirely surprised when it came. He’d known what he’d done, but Kelly hadn’t known he’d been the one to do it.

_“Hey,”_

_“Hey, Case,”_

_“What’s up?”_

_“My Santa gave me two tickets for the Hawks game this Saturday. You in?”_

_“Me?”_

_“Yeah, you. Why not you? You in?”_

_“Thought you’d want to use them to impress a date or something,”_

_“I,”_ Kelly’s surprised by something in Matt’s tone. He replays Matt’s words in his head, wondering, thinking about his answer. His voice rings of sincerity when he finally does. _“I don’t know anyone who’d appreciate it as much you, Matt. Or enjoy it as much, for that matter. We could call it a date, if it helps,”_ He tries to joke things out.

_“Uhm, what?”_

_“Nothing. Game, Matt, Saturday?”_

_“Uhm, sure. You’re sure?”_

_“Positive. Positive.”_ he adds, “ _Pick you up at 18:oo”_

_…_

He’s not sure why, but he’s nervous. He won’t ever admit it, but he did think about his outfit and took care of his hair as if this wasn’t just going to a game with Kelly. As if, perhaps, this was a date. _Really? H_ e ponders to himself, _a date? With Kelly? What does he even think of that?_ He doesn’t have time to find an answer, hearing Kelly honk from the driveway. _So much for a gentleman…_ he thinks, amused, as he locks up and makes his way to the car.

 _“What are you grinning about?”_ Kelly asks as a way of greeting when he climbs inside.

 _“Nothing,”_ Matt chuckles, _“just, you promised me a date, and I’m a come-to-the-door kinda gal, you know?”_ Matt jokes, _“My parents taught me better than to rush outside when a boy honks…”_ his eyebrows raise in anticipation, waiting for Kelly to join in the joke with his reply. He hopes he hasn’t gone too far with it, referring to himself as a girl and bringing up his parents. what was he thinking??

 _“That so?”_ Kelly grins, pondering humorously at Matt’s words, _“Well, I better up my game, then, shouldn’t I?”_ Kelly winks and then chuckles as he pulls out the driveway.

A silence falls while Kelly is focusing on driving, and Matt eyes him secretly. He’s wearing his good jeans and leather jacket – _his date clothes_ – Matt’s remarks, wondering.

_“Hey, Kel,”_

_“Mmm?”_

_“You figure out who your secret Santa is yet?”_ Matt goes for nonchalant, unsure he’s pulling it off.

 _“Have my ideas…”_ Kelly answers with a smirk. _“First, I thought it was you, but I want to believe I’d be able to read you if it was. Now I think maybe it’s Shay… she knows to follow the Hawks' games, and I caught her rummaging around some of my old boxes a few days ago, so…”_

_“What d’you mean you’d be able to read me? You think I can’t keep a secret from you?”_

_“No, Matt, you can’t.”_ Kelly chuckles in amusement _. “I know you well enough to know when you’re hiding something.”_

_“Pfffft. No, you don’t”_

_“Yes, Matt, I do,”_ Kelly’s voice is suddenly very sincere.

 _“Yeah? So what am I thinking about now?”_ Matt challenges, unsure if he’s ready to hear Kelly’s answer and discover the extent of Kelly’s ability to read him. Kelly’s eyes scan him quickly, flicking three times between him and the road before he answers.

_“You’re wondering if this really is a date. Or could be a date,”_

Matt’s mouth pops open before he can stop himself. Then he catches himself and closes it quickly with a snap.

 _“Well, is it?”_ Matt dares asks after a moment.

 _“It was a slip of the tongue when I said it on the phone, a joke,”_ Kelly admits _, “but I’m not against it. I have been thinking about it since I just didn’t know what you’d think about it. If it’s something that you want.”_ Matt’s mouth opens and closes as he tries to think of an answer, not yet ready to admit his inner thoughts. _“How about we don’t decide yet?”_ Kelly offers _, “No pressure. It’s us, the two of us going to a hockey game, having fun. And we can decide later if we want to do it again, if we want it to mean something else. How’s that sound?”_

 _“Okay,”_ Matt exhales with relief and, to his surprise, a tad of disappointment. _“Okay. Sounds good.”_

_“Can I ask you something?”_ Kelly begins after a few silent moments _._ He can see Matt nod from the corner of his eye. _“Last week, when you came for lunch after you treasure hunt, on the phone you said it was leading you to me. What’d you mean by that?”_

Matt looks at him for a moment, considering how much more to tell than he'd already recounted that day. Then he thinks of the conversation they just had, about what they’re about to do, and he can’t find a reason not to Kelly everything.

 _“I told you last week, the treasure hunt sent me back to different calls we’d had over the last years – some rescues I’m proud of, some calls I’m not, some close calls where we’d almost lost.”_ He takes a moment to breathe, and Kelly nods patiently. _“I also told there was a cassette with a song at every stop, like a mixtape, framing it into a specific mood, I guess. It was kind of cool. Really well thought out.”_

 _“Hmm-hm,”_ Kelly nods, remembering Matt telling them all this already last week over lunch.

 _“What I didn’t tell was, that I thought of you at almost every stop.”_ Matt stops and searches for Kelly’s eyes. Going on when he finds them when they come to a halt at a stoplight. _“You were there, in almost every one of my memories. On every one of those calls. The times you saved me, the times I saved you, the times I got you injured…”_ his voice breaks as his breath stutters in his throat at the thought. He doesn’t want to go on, knowing where his words would take them, so he falls silent. _“You’re always there,”_ he finally whispers.

Kelly doesn’t know how to respond. He’s lacking words to fit the emotions coursing through him. He’s then saved by the very practical, technical need to refocus on driving, to get them going again. But his hand finds Matt’s where it’s laying against the car seat, his fingers squeezing at Matt’s hand. _“That’s why I know you, Matt.”_ he says calmly, _“and you know me. We’ve been through everything together. And I will always be here. Always.”_

 _“I know,”_ Matt nods carefully, his voice low, and a soft, shy smile decorates his lips. _“I know. Me too.”_

Their hands remain interlinked for a while until Kelly has to change gear again. Matt lets his head rest against the headrest, closing his eyes as relief washes over him. They spend the rest of the drive in a comfortable silence.

..

Sometimes Matt forgets to actually look at the game. Again, and again he finds himself looking, instead, at Kelly’s features. At his hair glistening in the neon lights of the hockey rink, at his blue eyes following avidly after the rushing puck. How his breath comes out in little white puffs, his fingers red with cold as he brings them up to his lips, warming them with his breath. Sometimes Kelly catches him and smiles. Sometimes he bumps his shoulder against Matt as if reminding him they’re there for another reason than to stare at each other. When he gets really excited, he clings onto Matt’s hand squeezing tightly until the buzzer goes signalling a goal, and they rise together in a cheer. Matt can’t think of a single better date he’s ever been on.

_._

_“Another beer?”_ Kelly asks in the break, getting up to go stand in the queue to the bar.

 _“No, I’m fine, thanks,”_ Matt answers quickly but Kelly can see a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, as if he’s nervous.

_“Everything okay?”_

_“Yeah, yeah,”_ Matt answers sounding if less sure.

_“Matt?”_

_“I want to kiss you later, at my door,”_ Matt blurts out, and the air in Kelly’s chest flutters to a stop. _“And I don’t want it affected by alcohol.”_ Matt goes on more calmly now, conviction in his tone. _“I don’t want to it to be overwritten as a drunk mistake, I don’t want to forget. So no, I don’t want another drink right now,”_

Kelly can’t help himself - he surges forward, closing the gap between them, stopping himself at the last possible moment, so their foreheads rest against each other, their lips a hairbreadth away from one another. Their breathes mingle against each other’s lips as their eyes lock. And they’re in no hurry to break it; Lost in their own bubble. “ _You don’t have to wait that long,”_ Kelly finally says, his fingers caressing at Matt’s cheek.

 _“I know,”_ Matt whispers against Kelly’s lips, _“but I want to, just a little while longer, okay?”_

 _“Hm-hm,”_ Kelly moans in agreement, not breathing and not moving. And Matt closes the tiny gap between them, so their lips rest against each other. Not kissing, not moving, but there, feeling, linked. He inhales Kelly’s scent and presence. And then he slowly pulls back, his own hand coming to rest at Kelly’s neck, his eyes filled with a hopeful question. _“Okay,”_ Kelly says, collecting himself. _“I’ll go get nachos then,”_ he adds, just because it’s an excuse to pull himself away from Matt. Give them space.

…

 _“Wait, don’t get out yet,”_ Kelly says hurriedly as he parks the car in Matt’s driveway. He then climbs out and goes around the car, finding Matt giggling when he opens his door for him.

 _“Classy,”_ Matt quips as he climbs out, leaning against the car. He knows what they're doing, what’s going to happen, and it feels as if he’s moving through Jell-O. 

_“Only the best for my date,”_ Kelly answers cheekily, leaning closer. _“It did turn out to be a date, right?”_

 _“I think that quickly became obvious, didn’t it?”_ Matt replies, and with a courage he doesn’t recognize, he pulls Kelly to him by the collar. _“Let’s do it again,”_

 _“I don’t know,”_ Kelly teases, biting his lips in mock thought _, “what if we’re not a match?”_

 _“How ever will we know?”_ Matt joins in, making his voice small and squeaky.

His answer comes in the form of Kelly’s body-weight against his, warm and heavy and welcome. The smirk on Kelly’s face melts away, replaced by a genuine fluttering smile as if he’s happy but unsure, excited and nervous. Reassuring Matt that this is more than a joke to him, more than a passing opportunity, that this is something he’s hoping for, something he wants. At that moment Matt realizes how well he too, can read Kelly Severide. That this expression on Kelly’s face is directed at him, is because of him, steals his breath.

 _“Kiss me, Kelly,”_ he whispers without really meaning to, and Kelly exhales the anticipation he was holding inside and leans forward, eliminating any remaining space between them. It could have been exuberant and strong, sweeping and passionate, but instead, to Matt’s surprise, it’s delicate and soft, curious and unfolding. Searching and learning and sweet. Almost reverent. As if Kelly’s been waiting a very very long time for the permission and the opportunity to kiss Matt.

Matt opens his mouth to let air in but does not pull away, and Kelly slowly runs his tongue along Matt’s lips, tasting him, gently pulling Matt’s bottom lip between him, and Matt’s knees forget what their task in the world is. Kelly giggles against Matt as he holds him in place against the car and Matt mumbles a breathy _‘shut up’_ before he leans into the kiss and takes over, taking his turn to explore everything about Kelly’s mouth and lips and tongue and taste.

It is quite a while before they stop, pulling back for air. Matt finds his hands buzzing after having raked repeatedly through Kelly’s short hair. The smile on Kelly’s face is as bright as the sun, and Matt is quite sure his smile is just as big. It’s not only the kiss, Matt realizes, it is the feeling of finally, finally, arriving at somewhere safe, a place he hadn’t been aware he was looking for, a place he’s wanted at. His arms pull Kelly into a tight embrace, holding on as his emotions spill over, his face buried into Kelly’s neck. Even through their thick layers, Kelly can feel Matt’s body trembling, overwhelmed by the emotions he’d seen running across his face. He wraps his arms around Matt’s slim figure, holding him safely against him.

 _“I think we fit,”_ Kelly murmurs in his ear a while later, when Matt finally stops shaking, Kelly’s nose brushing around the shell of Matt’s ear _. “What do you think?”_

 _“Hmmm,”_ Matt nods and chuckles, and pulls back, eyes glistening with mirth before he catches Kelly’s lips again for an unreserved kiss of relief and promise.


	6. Dec. 17th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went differently than planned, but perhaps better...

**Dec 17 th  **

_“Hey, Kel, you free after shift?”_ Matt catches him in the locker room as he finishes washing up after a call.

_“Yeah, what’s up?”_

_“Apparently, I need to see a man about a tree.”_

_“Oh?”_

_“Yeah, secret Santa strikes again,”_ Matt says, showing Kelly the white card with the address on it. Kelly flips the card over to find the words, ‘see a man about a tree’ scribbled at its back.

 _“Tree hunting it is,”_ Kelly smiles, returning the card and winking. If he brushes against Matt as he walks away, neither of them complains.

…

It’s ridiculously cold when they climb out of Matt’s truck in front of the tree lot, their breath turning white as it meets the air. They move quickly to find the man responsible for the lot.

 _“Mm,”_ he says, scratching at his thick stubble as Matt shows him the card. _“I’remember. Your pick from the medium Silver Tips.”_ His hand raises to point at a section of medium size trees. _“‘s already paid for ‘s long as you do the cuttin’.”_

 _“Right,”_ Matt huffs, trying to sound more secure than he actually is. He hadn’t known this would involve labour. _“Er, saws?”_

 _“In the shed,”_ the man answers gruffly as though it’s the most stupid of questions, already moving away to the family piling up behind them. Matt looks at Kelly in confusion, to find him smirking cheekily.

 _“You never done this? Tree cutting?”_ he can’t help hide the surprise from his tone.

 _“Um, no,”_ Matt admits as they walk to the shed to choose a bow-saw.

_“With Hallie? or your parents?”_

_“Hallie was always on call on Christmas. She wasn’t really the festive type. So I usually took the Christmas shift. If we had a tree, it’d be one of those crummy plastic table-top trees… My parents… no, not really. Don’t think they had the money…”_ Matt says, trailing off. He doesn’t need to tell Kelly it all ended anyway when he was nine, and then he was shipped off into the child-care system and Christmas trees had been the last thing on his mind.

 _“I’m sorry,”_ Kelly says, stepping closer to Matt in the dim lit shed _. “I’m gonna make this one special. Cover all the best traditions. I promise,”_ he smiles softly at Matt.

 _“No pity, Kelly,”_ Matt warns, busing himself with assessing bow-saws.

 _“It’s not pity,”_ Kelly says, coming up behind Matt and enveloping him in his arms. His breath fluttering against Matt’s ear. _“But you deserve to be happy, Matt. You deserve a happy Christmas.”_

 _“This one has already been better than most,”_ Matt admits, as he lets himself relax into Kelly’s hold.

_“Good, and we’ll make it even better. What’d you have planned for Christmas day? I know you’re not on shift.”_

_“Um, nothing really,”_

_“That’s just sad,”_ Kelly teases.

 _“I usually go up to the children’s wards at Hope Hospital.”_ He says as if it’s the most trivial thing to do on Christmas day, as inconsequential as shovelling the driveway. _“Take my old Helmet with me, let them take pictures, read to them… that kind of stuff.”_ An odd silence falls at the end of his admission, Kelly eyeing him intently.

_“Really? How did I not know this?”_

Matt nods and shrugs in response, a bit confused as to why Kelly would doubt him. He’s even more surprised when Kelly turns him, shoving him against the nearest wall, Kelly’s weight crashing into him as he frames Matt’s face between his hands. _“You’re something else,”_ he whispers, his glittering eyes roaming curiously over Matt’s features. _“I love you.”_

Kelly’s eyes widen just as Matt’s jaw falls open, too stunned to react. He watches as Kelly’s features scramble for something to say, unsure what to do with his sudden revelation. He’s pretty sure Kelly’s as surprised to have said it as Matt is to have heard him say it.

 _“I’ll come with you,”_ Kelly says hurriedly, trying to move on, _“to the hospit_ -,” but Matt stops the words from flowing by covering Kelly’s mouth with his own. He can’t explain the rush of feelings washing over him once the surprise dissipates. Scratch that, the surprise does not dissipate, but other emotions squeeze through, fighting their way into Kelly’s mouth, on to his tongue, to tell him, tell him, everything pulsing through Matt’s veins; gratitude; awe; home; freedom; giddiness; surprise; surprise; disbelief; relief; want; Matt’s arms pull Kelly to him, his body wishing to immerse into Kelly’s, meld and never be alone again. Their kiss is rugged and bruising, demanding and welcoming, their lungs eventually screaming for air making them pull back and look at each other in wonder.

 _“Can I come with you?”_ Kelly finally whispers, panting, his eyes flying between Matt’s pupils.

 _“Yes,”_ Matt whispers back without hesitation.

At that moment a young couple steps into the shed, their conversation halting at the sight of Kelly and Matt’s proximity. Kelly notices the blush rising in Matt’s cheeks as he lets go of Kelly, lets him take a step back. A rush of cold air replacing the heat of Kelly’s body.

 _“Come on,”_ Kelly says, unabashed, pick out a saw, _“let’s go find you a tree,”_

 _“Us,”_ Matt whispers in his ear as they walk out of the shed on their way to the tree plot. _“let’s find us a tree,”_

Kelly’s smile is the widest, brightest, most wonderful he’s ever seen him smile.


	7. Dec 22nd

**Dec 22 nd**

They’d planned the revealing of their Secret Santa for their last shift before Christmas. They each had to bring a final, small gift with the name of their secret receiver attached to it.

On the days leading to this shift, Matt had thought long and hard what he’d get for Kelly. It had to be small enough to fit under a helmet, special enough to be meaningful yet not too revealing of their newfound relationship.

They had actually argued about it - Kelly not wanting to keep secrets for 51, didn’t see a reason to hide. Moreover, he wanted everyone to know how happy he was. How happy Matt makes him. That they’ve finally got their shit together and found their way to each other. He said 51 was practically waiting for it to happen. But it was too new for Matt to announce to their firehouse brothers. Too fragile. They didn’t know yet what it meant, where it would go, if and how it would stick. He was in awe at Kelly’s assurance. At his faith and security in their new relationship.

_Perhaps new was not the right term_ , Matt ponders. Kelly had said, rightly, when they talked about it, that they’ve been dancing around this for years. Kelly could understand Matt’s reluctance, his insecurity and doubt when it comes to his personal affairs – all his experiences that had led him to be hesitant and disbelieving and doubtful. He promised he’d wait and wouldn’t push him. He also promised that Matt had nothing to fear, that Matt could rely on and trust Kelly and their relationship because, for Kelly, it was it. Matt was everything he wanted and needed.   
Matt couldn’t come up with a good enough reply to that, except to kiss Kelly until they were both breathless. Promising he’d think about it.

He wondered what his own Santa had up their sleeve for the finale. Some of the gifts – the tree for example – had to have been expensive and Matt wanted to pay them back. But he had the feeling he knew who his Santa was, and there was no way they’d accept money. He’d have to think about an alternative. Obviously, his Santa had known enough to help them find their way and push them together. They had been amazing throughout the game – honest and surprising, well-thought gifts that had ultimately brought out Matt’s feelings for Kelly, made him face his desires and go for it. They’d brought him to Kelly. He couldn’t thank his Santa enough. He thought about his feeling of relief and gratitude as he thought about Kelly’s wish to tell the house. 

…

Lining their helmets on the long table, they each hid their gifts under their helmets. They then took turns guessing who their Santa was, choosing the helmet belonging to who they thought was their Santa, to see if they find their name attached to the gift under it.

His turn is up to guess his Secret Santa. Matt walks to the table, feeling all eyes on him. There really could only be two options, and he doesn’t think the gifts quite fit Kelly’s style. So he moves passed Kelly’s helmet to the one he thinks is his secret Santa.

Picking up the Helmet he finds his name attached to a sparkling purple cube-shaped box. Heading the ‘breakable’ written across it in bold letters, he carefully unwraps the small gift. Inside he finds a Christmas Bulb. Not a generic bought bulb, but one designed especially for him: His first ornament - for his first Christmas tree. Made of clear glass, there is a red truck, numbered 81, etched across it on one side. Through the other (clear) side, he can see a rolled parchment with the CFD symbol inside the bulb. Looking again, Matt can see that the bulb can be opened. He carefully fishes the parchment from the bulb, unrolling it to read the small message, meant only for him:

**Keep each other safe and happy,**

**The homeliest of Christmases to you both.**

His eyes find hers immediately, and her knowing smirk and warm glint show him she knows her plan has worked. That he understands her note. That he’s touched to his core. He hopes no one can see his hand trembling as he rolls the parchment back and closes the bulb, making his way to Shay. He stands in front of her and doesn’t know what to say. Her warm laugh brings him back from his embarrassed stupor and, surprising everyone, he wraps his arms around her, enfolding her in a tight hug.

_“Thank you, Shay.”_ He whispers in her ear. _“You’re brilliant. It’s all been brilliant. Thank you.”_ He hopes she knows what he’s really thanking her for.

She hugs him back, smiling warmly over his shoulder. Happy that he’s let himself find happiness. _“You deserve it, Matt. I was happy to help.”_ She whispers back in his ear.

.

It’s Kelly’s turn now, and without any hesitance he goes directly for Matt’s helmet, flipping it over in his hand. As he’d expected, the squishy looking gift has his name on it, and he tears through the wrapping paper to find a small branch of Mistletoe.

_“Ha, smart,”_ Otis laughs. “ _Portable Mistletoe, to better the chances,”_ he jokes. But Kelly doesn’t hear it. His eyes lock on Matt with question and hope.

_“Does this mean - ?”_ he asks from across the room, and at Matt’s short, shy nod he’s practically flying to Matt, pouncing on to him and kissing him. Matt stumbles back at the momentum of Kelly’s weight, wrapping his arms around him as he returns the kiss. Eventually, Kelly’s hand shoots up to hold the Mistletoe above them, waking everyone from their shock, making them laugh and cheer. They then huddle around the two of them, enveloping them in what turns to be a 51 hug.

Eventually, they let go and separate, and go on with the game, the rest of the house guessing through their Santas. Matt, with Kelly’s arms still wrapped around him, leans in to whisper into Shay’s ear, having found the perfect way to thank her for everything she’s done.

_“Come for Christmas lunch with us. I’m cooking.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yes. Best Christmas ever should deserve the best Christmas meal, don’t you think?”_

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's it!   
> I hope you're not too disappointed with my decisions to finish this here.   
> I was adamant to finish this story (and all my on-going stories), and I feel the reveal is a much truer place to finish this fic than Christmas day itself. I think/hope I've given enough hints for you to imagine their Christmas together as fluffy as warm as possible... and if anyone would like to pick up the glove and write it out - I would not be against it ;)
> 
> Thank you all for your amazing comments, and your patience and forgiveness at the fact that this story took so ridiculously long..  
> xx Picpicpic


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